When Stars Align

According to one of my favorite directors, Cameron Crowe, “Stars arrive on their own timetable.”

When you set out on your new journey, remember that while you cannot control when and how the stars align, it is okay to make sure you’re ready for them.

My friend told me the other day that it’s important I share the details of my journey with you all. It’s been a year and a half since I left my ex. 2023 was the year I focused on moving forward. I graduated summa cum laude in a career I was passionate about and was completing a Master’s program, obtaining credentials to pursue a life doing something I love, where I could use my experiences to help others. I worked as a teacher all year and liked it so much I obtained my licenses.

I got a five year OOP and finally felt safe. I did therapy to get over the initial PTSD that occurs when you leave. It worked so well, I was able to create a life free of any thoughts of him. Unfortunately, my ex was not willing to let me go. He used others twice to gain access to me, which led to a decision to move and start over properly in a city far away.

Coming home has been transformative. The healing I needed happened in 2023 but the setback of early 2024 pulled me back to those old feelings of unnecessary fear. Luckily, the time and distance are healing as every week, I am reminded less. There is one final matter a friend is taking care of so I don’t waste my energy on anything related to him. I love and am grateful for my new and old friends.

I arrived in July, weighed down by stress over slander and hacking. Thanks to the reassuring words and love from friends, I realized that while I have no control over what he does, I decide how I react and how much life I give to the nonexistent. While there have been hiccups caused by the unstable way I was forced to relocate, they are not insurmountable. If you get this far, there is no stopping you. Only you can get in your own way. Surround yourself with people who don’t detract from this because they don’t comprehend the strength it took to get you this far.

Miami welcomed me with open arms. All the things I loved and had abandoned during my marriage continue to come to life. I can’t recommend these enough: working out/meditation, spending time in nature, surrounding yourself with like minded friends, reconnecting with loved ones you trust, and making sure you live life to the fullest by doing things that move you. I have found a sense of community in the most unlikely place. People focused on the things I care about and an authenticity that does not exist anywhere else in Miami.

I fell in love, which helped me open up and heal more quickly than expected. I would caution you away from the hurt that follows not being able to dive into those feelings but that would imply regret. I’m so grateful to realize I can feel that deeply for someone again. That love contributed to the strong place I find myself in today so I have nothing but appreciation for him.

I won’t deny there have been hiccups involved in the lack of stability you will find yourself in if you are forced to blindly start over. It’s difficult for others to accept you are in a better place than they realize. It is perfectly reasonable to sometimes be overwhelmed by the tasks ahead. If you feel emotionally ready like I did, let yourself go. It is worth it but don’t lose your focus along the way. It’s really easy to do when you’re swept away.

Starting over means economic instability. This is not insurmountable but not conducive to starting a relationship. Don’t do it until you are 100% on solid footing. It’s imperative for those of us who spent years navigating quick sand. The right person will understand. They won’t apply unnecessary pressure. True love is patience. It is unwavering support. When love is real and based on a depth of feeling, it does not disappear on a whim. The best relationships thrive under the intent to make it work against all odds. Life happens. The stars may arrive on their own timetable but it is up to us to make the moves needed to align with them and hopefully find someone amazing to hold your hand along the way.

To end on another one of my favorite Crowe quotes, “Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.” I live by these words. Never give up.