Connections

This past week has been about connections which takes me to the question of dating. When is it a good time to start following the end of a contentious relationship?

I asked myself this question several times in the past few months. The first year following my divorce, I focused on my career. This led to completing my Master’s program, getting licensed and working as a teacher. I never thought I would be open to love again.

Fast forward to a year and a half later. I connected with an old friend and it opened me up to the possibility of love. He and friends gave me the support I needed to navigate the rough waters of new chapters more smoothly. If it wasn’t for them, I would not be as strong as I am today.

Should I continue to play it safe or welcome the risks only found in the deepest connections? When I grew up here, I was known for saying no. I enjoyed the independence I lost during my marriage and refuse to ever cede it again.

The fear of getting lost in someone to the point of disappearing scares me. It made me take a step back from a person I was falling in love with. His reaction reaffirmed my dread. When you spend years being controlled, you run away from the slightest hint of gilded cages. Women in Miami favor the type of transactional unions I’m averse to and men claim they want substance but lack the patience to obtain it.

If you do open up, make sure you don’t compromise the boundaries it took you years to establish. I recommend shifting your focus to yourself but don’t let challenges close you off to new experiences.

Tonight, I began my evening feeling like something was missing but as the night wore on, I found myself happy and immersed in music. My friend Selina is moving back home and wanted a Japanese style sendoff via karaoke. I thought I would be too shy to join without the safety of my keyboard but by the end of the night, I was performing at the Grammys.

I sang Shakira, Soraya, Sara McLachlan and Dr Dre’s California Love. I finished it off with a duet of Say Something which I quietly dedicated to my old friend. I realized if it wasn’t for the familiar faces around me, it would have been a difficult week. Instead, I sang all night. I'm working on several projects I’m excited about, all as a result of collaborations.

As I venture out in the next few months to carry out my work, I plan on being open to what the universe has in store. I’m not looking to date as I want to be fully focused but I’m no longer closed off to it either. I was fully invested in something that lacked the consistency and depth I needed. Connections led me to the friends I was with all night and to rediscovering parts of myself I thought were lost. Date if you’re ready but make sure you don’t lose yourself along the way. Make room for other types of connections. Friendship goes a long way and can be the basis for something even greater.